Tales from the Exit Row
Are you willing and able to respect this special row on the plane?
“Excuse me, those of you sitting in Rows 20 and 21? Can I please get your attention for a moment?”
“Sir, can you please take off your headphones?”
“Sir?”
“Sir?!”
Yes, there’s always someone.
We are regular denizens of the exit row on domestic flights, primarily due to our longer (and larger) frame. It is a special place for us. It is clearly not a special place for the dude with his headphones on. This makes us sad.
For many, many years the exit row was actually a bit of a hidden secret.1 It didn’t require status or extra money, you just had to politely ask a check-in agent (remember those?) if you could sit there. That amazing legroom was all yours.
These days? Well, only if you have status, but it has to be a higher status, but you can skip all that if you buy it, but it will be a lot more than a regular premium seat. Sorry, that’s the rule … that’s the goal now.2
Now, you would think that by making it more difficult to get into the exit row, it would be home to the most well-behaved and seasoned travelers on the plane. Alas, it is not. We can usually expect one or two or even all of these folks to show up to our spacious enclave.
The Big People
It makes total sense that the largest passengers would seek out the seats with the most room, but usually by fate, they end up seated right next to each other. While they might have horizontal freedom for their legs and knees, they are now very close physically (and probably emotionally) from a lateral standpoint. That much physical contact for four hours from ATL to LAX will bring any two people together, whether they want it or not.
The Small People
We helped you put your bag in the overhead. We have no doubt that you’re a kind and generous person, never held back by your physical stature. And why should you be? We’re not mean height-ists here at Al on the Airlines.
But also, why are you in the exit row? We know that tall people might have some advantages in life, but the plane is not one of them. Let us have this.
No one is saying you can’t sit there, but should you? The Oblivious People
Like the aforementioned dude with headphones, we love the passengers (usually window types) who sit down, plug in all their charging cords, use their bag as a leg rest blocking the row, put on their headphones, pull up their hoodie, close the window shade, and go to sleep before they’ve even started boarding Group 3.3 These people always act annoyed when they have to unplug their phone, slide their bag forward, take off their headphones, and acknowledge that they might have to open that door. You can’t have it both ways, my friend.
The Recalcitrant Reclining People
If you are in an exit row, and there is another exit row behind you, your seat will NOT RECLINE. There is nothing you can do, and no matter how hard you press, you’re not going anywhere. Just relax and enjoy your snack box. This also goes for those of you in the regular seats in front of the exit row. Yes, we know you didn’t do your homework and you didn’t know the people in front of you can recline while you can’t. 4
The Not Quite Yes People
The FAA does indeed require a verbal yes from exit row passengers that they are “willing and able” to help in case of an emergency.5 Yet, some passengers seem unable to utter that very word. Some just smile, some only nod, some completely space out and ask the flight attendant what they just said. We have lots of sympathy for crew members here.
”Please say yes, sir, so we can go to Orlando, and I don’t get fined.”
We know that no one has a permanent right to the exit row, but we do wish more passengers would treat it with the respect and importance it deserves. If you want to bring nonsense, bring it to the bulkhead … those people are crazy.
Notes
Another instance of the internet ruining everything — we stand by this belief and it will be our most common footnote as long as we have this Substack
IYKYK
We have never understood people who close the exit row window shade (or any window shade) for takeoff and landing — talk about the one time you’d want to see what’s going on
We usually only let people do this 13 or 14 times before we let them know their seats don’t go back
No joke, FAA inspectors are out there looking for these kinds of violations - give that verbal yes
Heck yes! Finally someone that says it loud and clear. As a taller person I really appreciate the exit row but the lack of recline kills it for me. I think airlines should keep tabs on who actually follows exit row protocols and reward them with free exit row seats in future.
Question though, what happens if there is no one in the exit row? No one to operate emergencies or are airlines obliged to fill those seats?
My favourite thing about flying LX is their insistence (firmly and clearly stated - AND policed) that window blinds must be left up for take off and landing. Last month, someone seated in my tow (within sight of crew seats) closed it when she thought they weren’t looking and was told in no uncertain terms to open it back up. I *might* giggled with glee.